Director: Art Clokey
Distributor: Clokey Productions
This review is going to be rather short, considering it is a short film, I do not think there is much I can say, but here goes. Let me begin with a little fact about me, I am a fan of Gumby. While not exactly a die-hard fan, I do find the Green Clay Guy worth watching. Perhaps one of the things Gumby is noted for in my life is reminding me of a simpler time. This was back in my maternal grandmother's house on those carefree Summer days of long ago. I was not into sports and when I was not playing with my action figures or playing video games or watching any movies or gaining any instruction from the Bible, I was into art. While I did not have clay to play with let alone mold, I did have my drawing paper. As a result of this, my interest in 2D animation and art flourished. The fact, I had no However, looking back I do wish I had gotten into clay considering how it moved when it was time for Gumby Adventures. What I admired about Gumby was how the characters in the show knew they were clay figures. Yet, never once did they even mention this fact. Gumby and his pals were busy dealing with the blockheads and their antics.
While, I do remember this from my childhood, there was one part of the Gumby Mythos which seemed to have never left me. To this very day, it continues to inspire me not only for my love of art, but also a budding desire, as of 2013, to develop my own claymations once again (last time I did this was back in 2007).
Art Clokey remains one of the most talented and renowned names in the field of Claymation. Various animators who have taken their interest in plasticine figures are more than likely willing to cite Clokey as an inspiration to them. For those unfamiliar with Art Clokey, he is more famously known as the creator of Gumby, Pokey and various other characters of the Gumbyverse. Other Clokey creations include Davey and his dog, Goliath. (Why Clokey named his characters after two Biblical characters who opposed each other is beyond me, still I give credit to his creative genius.) As for the film Gumbasia, this one work of Clokey's is strangely in the Public Domain. Do not believe me? Check out www.archive.org and try to tell me otherwise.
SUMMARY:
There is not much I can say about Gumbasia, other than the fact that it is one of Clokey's very first films in the animation industry, especially in the area of claymation. The film has no dialogue, no direction and not one of Clokey's familiar characters appear. Other than the fact the entire film is a random collection of clay moving around to the tune of a frantic piano piece. There are some scenes which do not feature any animation whatsoever and instead we are treated to still images of clay sculptures lying about. Let us not forget of course the various clay walls which seem to move and the ever present clay ball which rolls a matching drum roll.
COMMENTS:
It would be easy to pass this film up, however one should watch it. The reason I say this would have to be considering Art Clokey's impact on claymation, this film should never be passed up. Here we are able to see his creativity even without the characters he is known for which we all love.
OVERALL RATING: 9
Let's face it. This is Art Clokey at his best. Say what you will about Gumby or his other creations, Gumbasia is where Clokey really displays his filmmaking abilities as well as his art. Yet, if anything, what holds this back from being a "10" would not be its lack of familiar Clokey creations, but the fact this film is very short. At three minutes and ten seconds, I say this film should have gone on for much longer. Whatever reason there was for Clokey to make this film as short as it was, only he for certain knew. And those reasons went with Clokey to his grave.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Diary of a Nudist Review
Director: Doris Wishman
Starring: Davee Decker
Written By: Doris Wishman
Distributor: Independent Film by Doris Wishman
No matter how you look at it, naked people are one of two things: offensive or funny. Nudity, at least in America, has been associated with either porn or someone losing their clothes in a comedy. However, in Europe, Asia, and elsewhere, Nudity is largely associated with art. One of the primary reasons why nudity is frowned upon is largely as a result of the Puritan influence on American Culture. Those pesky Puritans are the main reasons why Americans can never have any fun. Nudity, alcohol (I am not much of a drinker, as I am a teetotaller.), and quite possibly weed were all frowned at by the Puritans.
I say blame the Puritans the next time you want to blame the stupidity in America on something! Our lousy educational values? The Puritans. The fact our politicians suck? The Puritans. The Civil War? The Puritans. Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor? The Puritans sold us out. Kennedy's assassination? Oswald had Puritan support. The Challenger disaster? Puritans sabotaged it. 9/11? Okay, I am going too far with this attack on Puritans. I guess we can all agree that the Puritans have ruined America. The same can be said of their modern form; the Westboro Baptist Church. Both groups suck and they are what make America suck!
Maybe, I got too carried away about my rant on the Puritans to even notice I went off the deep end. I guess that is what happens when someone rants. It goes off topic so bad no one knows what the original point was anymore. My original intent behind his post was not about Puritans, but rather about my latest Public Domain film being reviewed here on Scrutiny Studios: Diary of a Nudist. Before I dive in, I must state that should any Nudists read this review, please understand this is not an attack on Nudism, it is more of a review on this film.
PLOT SUMMARY:
Just as the film starts, we are given a full scene where a group of people are just sitting nude around enjoying the breeze. Although some of the people in that scene had some nice tits and even looks good with no clothes on, I would have to say the big, fat, hairy guy summed up the old adage about nudists in general: They are people you wish to never see nude.In other words, this film just decided to jump right on in regarding these nudists sitting around doing nothing. I have to ask if all Nudists are like that.
Then we FINALLY get to see an opening where we see some chick skinny dipping amid some credits. It is as though, the film makers of Diary of a Nudist wanted to create a parody of a James Bond opening. There is the possibility of the director paying some peeping tom or lecher or creep or whatever you want to call it to film some naked chick in her backyard. One can only imagine how this was captured on film.
After we get our credits, the audience is treated to a scene where a hunter is taking a walk in the woods. Whether this guy is hunting deer, bears, ducks, lions, tigers, zombies or Nazis is any ones guess. I will leave any viewers to decipher that for themselves. As I was stating, the hunter is taking a walk when he comes across some bushes. Curiosity gets the better of the hunter who literally uncovers a Nudist Colony! (No pun intended.) I am assuming this guy must been hunting naked people as it might have been Nudie Season! Then again, the Nudie Colony seems to be secluded to the point where NONE of the Nudists even notice the intrusion our confused hunter.
Turns out our hunter actually works as an Editor in Chief at some Newspaper or Media News Outlet. It is here we learn the hunter has a name: Arthur. As he tries to get back into the routine of working on a Monday, Arthur is approached by one of his co-workers, a reporter whom we all learn is named Stacy. She asks Arthur how his weekend hunting trip went and at first Arthur is reluctant to say anything. Then he tells Stacy about the bizarre site he found: Arthur found a Nudist Colony within the shrubbery! Stacy is taken back by this and ponders more. Being the Editor, Arthur decides to send Stacy to cover the Nudie Camp! (Again no pun intended.) However, Stacy is having none of it. Now it is her turn to be reluctant and despite this, she agrees to take the assignment.
A week later or so in movie time, Stacy is accepted and has to travel the Nudist Colony. When she arrives, the Camp Director gives Stacy a tour of the Camp and introduces her and the audience to members. Every scene at this point has naked people in it left and right. Never do we find a fabric of textile on anyone. The men, women...and even the children (Ugh, that just don't sound right) are unclothed. I have to ponder if the Nudists are Hippies or Skyclad Wiccans because at one point someone was gathering flowers for the Summer Festival. Strangely enough there are no fat people in this Nudist Camp and THANK GOD for that! I guess one could consider that a blessing in disguise.
Even as Stacy is enjoying the Nude Life, no one knows she is writing articles regarding her experiences. That is except for Arthur and the rest of the News Paper staff who ponder if their articles are either Sensation or Exploitation. Back and forth between the scenes of carefree Nudists and Arthur receiving Stacy's articles, it gets to a point where the Articles themselves prove too much and Stacy is later relieved of her position. Stacy gets major points right here for the very reason she would not report about anything except the truth. Arthur, the ardent anti-Nudist, wants only to exploit the Nudist Colony as an immoral place and not where a group of people associate.
To add insult to injury, not only Arthur take over the articles, but he also attends the same Nudist Camp that Stacy attends which does not settle well with her. Everyone on the other hand seems to welcome Arthur. Even if he chooses to wear blue briefs for the duration of his time there as to perhaps save the Audience the agony of seeing his...ahem! Slowly but surely Arthur takes a liking to the Nudist Camp and begins to write articles which are more positive than negative. Even after the rouse is discovered by the Camp Director regarding the articles written by Stacy and later Arthur, the Camp Director actually applauds them for their honest articles. Afterwards, Arthur and Stacy reconcile and before too long, Arthur reveals his love for Stacy which now leaves the door open for a sequel about Employer-Employee relationships.
COMMENTS:
Even though I am a Textile (The Nudist Lingo for Non-Nudists), I found the movie to be very pleasent. Despite the repeated shots of Nudists living carefree without a worry in the world, I found the depiction of Nude life done quite well. Unlike most films which depict Nudist stereotype as someone who hates clothes and proudly goes about nude, this film was actually positive in its depiction. Never once did any Nudist act as though Clothes were a "sin" and that being nude was a blessing.
I also enjoyed how Stacy, and later Arthur, conduct themselves to this assignment as Journalists. Rather than being an outsider peering into the Nudist Camp, they chose to become part of the coverage themselves. Considering this film was created before Hunter S. Thompson's concept of Gonzo Journalism, one could say this film predicted something which would later become a staple among some journalists who decide to become part of the story, rather than observe it from outside.
Another thing I enjoyed was the absense of villains. Sure, Arthur may come off at times as an ass, but one cannot blame him as he originally set out to exploit the Nudists. However, once he comes to know about their ways, Arthur instantly takes a liking to the Nudist Colony and its people. Perhaps one could say the "villains" of this film are mainly a misunderstanding about Nudists and Journalistic integrity, both of which are resolved within the first half of the film. Meaning the rest of the film is spent looking at naked people!
OVERALL RATING: 7
While I love the fact this movie has no depiction of Nudist Stereotypes or any villians whatsoever, I must say what holds this movie back is the scenes of repetition involving Nudists at the camp. While one may use this film as a cheap excuse for masturbation material (considering all the naked breasts all over the place), those who watch this film with a serious mindset would see the movie as more of a positive depiction of the Nudist Lifestyle. Whether this film serves as an introduction to Nudism for some, Textiles like me and you would have to find Nudists in general anything unlike the stereotype.
Still the fact this film was made in the 1960s would put off some as the people who were young in this film are now very old, so rather than fap to the scenes of naked people, I would suggest you watch Diary of a Nudist as a means of understanding Nudists or to watch a film were the stereotype is ignored.
Starring: Davee Decker
Written By: Doris Wishman
Distributor: Independent Film by Doris Wishman
No matter how you look at it, naked people are one of two things: offensive or funny. Nudity, at least in America, has been associated with either porn or someone losing their clothes in a comedy. However, in Europe, Asia, and elsewhere, Nudity is largely associated with art. One of the primary reasons why nudity is frowned upon is largely as a result of the Puritan influence on American Culture. Those pesky Puritans are the main reasons why Americans can never have any fun. Nudity, alcohol (I am not much of a drinker, as I am a teetotaller.), and quite possibly weed were all frowned at by the Puritans.
I say blame the Puritans the next time you want to blame the stupidity in America on something! Our lousy educational values? The Puritans. The fact our politicians suck? The Puritans. The Civil War? The Puritans. Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor? The Puritans sold us out. Kennedy's assassination? Oswald had Puritan support. The Challenger disaster? Puritans sabotaged it. 9/11? Okay, I am going too far with this attack on Puritans. I guess we can all agree that the Puritans have ruined America. The same can be said of their modern form; the Westboro Baptist Church. Both groups suck and they are what make America suck!
Maybe, I got too carried away about my rant on the Puritans to even notice I went off the deep end. I guess that is what happens when someone rants. It goes off topic so bad no one knows what the original point was anymore. My original intent behind his post was not about Puritans, but rather about my latest Public Domain film being reviewed here on Scrutiny Studios: Diary of a Nudist. Before I dive in, I must state that should any Nudists read this review, please understand this is not an attack on Nudism, it is more of a review on this film.
PLOT SUMMARY:
Just as the film starts, we are given a full scene where a group of people are just sitting nude around enjoying the breeze. Although some of the people in that scene had some nice tits and even looks good with no clothes on, I would have to say the big, fat, hairy guy summed up the old adage about nudists in general: They are people you wish to never see nude.In other words, this film just decided to jump right on in regarding these nudists sitting around doing nothing. I have to ask if all Nudists are like that.
Then we FINALLY get to see an opening where we see some chick skinny dipping amid some credits. It is as though, the film makers of Diary of a Nudist wanted to create a parody of a James Bond opening. There is the possibility of the director paying some peeping tom or lecher or creep or whatever you want to call it to film some naked chick in her backyard. One can only imagine how this was captured on film.
After we get our credits, the audience is treated to a scene where a hunter is taking a walk in the woods. Whether this guy is hunting deer, bears, ducks, lions, tigers, zombies or Nazis is any ones guess. I will leave any viewers to decipher that for themselves. As I was stating, the hunter is taking a walk when he comes across some bushes. Curiosity gets the better of the hunter who literally uncovers a Nudist Colony! (No pun intended.) I am assuming this guy must been hunting naked people as it might have been Nudie Season! Then again, the Nudie Colony seems to be secluded to the point where NONE of the Nudists even notice the intrusion our confused hunter.
Turns out our hunter actually works as an Editor in Chief at some Newspaper or Media News Outlet. It is here we learn the hunter has a name: Arthur. As he tries to get back into the routine of working on a Monday, Arthur is approached by one of his co-workers, a reporter whom we all learn is named Stacy. She asks Arthur how his weekend hunting trip went and at first Arthur is reluctant to say anything. Then he tells Stacy about the bizarre site he found: Arthur found a Nudist Colony within the shrubbery! Stacy is taken back by this and ponders more. Being the Editor, Arthur decides to send Stacy to cover the Nudie Camp! (Again no pun intended.) However, Stacy is having none of it. Now it is her turn to be reluctant and despite this, she agrees to take the assignment.
A week later or so in movie time, Stacy is accepted and has to travel the Nudist Colony. When she arrives, the Camp Director gives Stacy a tour of the Camp and introduces her and the audience to members. Every scene at this point has naked people in it left and right. Never do we find a fabric of textile on anyone. The men, women...and even the children (Ugh, that just don't sound right) are unclothed. I have to ponder if the Nudists are Hippies or Skyclad Wiccans because at one point someone was gathering flowers for the Summer Festival. Strangely enough there are no fat people in this Nudist Camp and THANK GOD for that! I guess one could consider that a blessing in disguise.
Even as Stacy is enjoying the Nude Life, no one knows she is writing articles regarding her experiences. That is except for Arthur and the rest of the News Paper staff who ponder if their articles are either Sensation or Exploitation. Back and forth between the scenes of carefree Nudists and Arthur receiving Stacy's articles, it gets to a point where the Articles themselves prove too much and Stacy is later relieved of her position. Stacy gets major points right here for the very reason she would not report about anything except the truth. Arthur, the ardent anti-Nudist, wants only to exploit the Nudist Colony as an immoral place and not where a group of people associate.
To add insult to injury, not only Arthur take over the articles, but he also attends the same Nudist Camp that Stacy attends which does not settle well with her. Everyone on the other hand seems to welcome Arthur. Even if he chooses to wear blue briefs for the duration of his time there as to perhaps save the Audience the agony of seeing his...ahem! Slowly but surely Arthur takes a liking to the Nudist Camp and begins to write articles which are more positive than negative. Even after the rouse is discovered by the Camp Director regarding the articles written by Stacy and later Arthur, the Camp Director actually applauds them for their honest articles. Afterwards, Arthur and Stacy reconcile and before too long, Arthur reveals his love for Stacy which now leaves the door open for a sequel about Employer-Employee relationships.
COMMENTS:
Even though I am a Textile (The Nudist Lingo for Non-Nudists), I found the movie to be very pleasent. Despite the repeated shots of Nudists living carefree without a worry in the world, I found the depiction of Nude life done quite well. Unlike most films which depict Nudist stereotype as someone who hates clothes and proudly goes about nude, this film was actually positive in its depiction. Never once did any Nudist act as though Clothes were a "sin" and that being nude was a blessing.
I also enjoyed how Stacy, and later Arthur, conduct themselves to this assignment as Journalists. Rather than being an outsider peering into the Nudist Camp, they chose to become part of the coverage themselves. Considering this film was created before Hunter S. Thompson's concept of Gonzo Journalism, one could say this film predicted something which would later become a staple among some journalists who decide to become part of the story, rather than observe it from outside.
Another thing I enjoyed was the absense of villains. Sure, Arthur may come off at times as an ass, but one cannot blame him as he originally set out to exploit the Nudists. However, once he comes to know about their ways, Arthur instantly takes a liking to the Nudist Colony and its people. Perhaps one could say the "villains" of this film are mainly a misunderstanding about Nudists and Journalistic integrity, both of which are resolved within the first half of the film. Meaning the rest of the film is spent looking at naked people!
OVERALL RATING: 7
While I love the fact this movie has no depiction of Nudist Stereotypes or any villians whatsoever, I must say what holds this movie back is the scenes of repetition involving Nudists at the camp. While one may use this film as a cheap excuse for masturbation material (considering all the naked breasts all over the place), those who watch this film with a serious mindset would see the movie as more of a positive depiction of the Nudist Lifestyle. Whether this film serves as an introduction to Nudism for some, Textiles like me and you would have to find Nudists in general anything unlike the stereotype.
Still the fact this film was made in the 1960s would put off some as the people who were young in this film are now very old, so rather than fap to the scenes of naked people, I would suggest you watch Diary of a Nudist as a means of understanding Nudists or to watch a film were the stereotype is ignored.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
The Fighting Lady Review
Director: William Wyler
Narrations by: LT. Robert Taylor
Writers: John Stuart Martin and Eugene Ling
Distributor: Twentieth Century Fox
After reviewing two horrible films, I have decided to take the time in reviewing something which was very decent. The Fighting Lady is perhaps a good film for those who admire history, war, and military service. As for the name of the ship itself, it is known as the Yorktown. However because of the time constrains and the secrecy of its objectives, it was referred to as the Fighting Lady during filming. What I admire about this film is how there are no actors, special effects or lines of dialogue. Everything filmed is real.
PLOT SUMMARY:
The plot of The Fighting Lady is more along the lines of a filmed documentary about the crew of a Carrier in the Pacific Theater. It begins with the ship being commissioned in 1943 and what we see first are a group of fighters in a training session about landing on the carrier. However, Captain Jocko is not impressed with the speed of the flight crew and scalds them for not moving fast enough. He also goes on to say that if it had been a war zone, the effectiveness of the crew would have been unacceptable. Afterwards, the Fighting Lady heading towards the Pacific on its way to participate in battling the Japanese. While there is no combat at this point in time, the film crews give a tour of the ship from its hanger deck to its superstructure and various other components of the ship.
The crew itself is then displayed and we are introduced to who these brave men are and their roles on board the Fighting Lady. Since there is no action at this point, we are treated to scenes of the crew performing duties such as cooking food, sorting mail, tending to the sick, and other mundane tasks to keep the ship afloat and its crew occupied in the lulls between combat operations. At other times, the crew takes time out to enjoy leisure activities from swimming to writing letters home.
The action starts only when the Fighting Lady enters Japanese occupied waters. First we are treated to a spectacular display of American firepower over the Marcus Island fortress. Cameras attached to the planes gives us a pilots eye view of the battle overhead. Afterwards, the pilots return to the carrier to report on a successful attack. Pilots then spend their time resting up, recounting their battles and are briefed by officers regarding what was destroyed in the battle.
The film then fast forwards to 1944, the good ship and crew have been out to sea for quite awhile and are getting used to the routines of running the ship. It then takes place in the battle of Kwajalein and again we are treated to yet another battle. From that point onward, The Fighting Lady becomes a predictable repetition of scenes which at times bore the viewers. First we get battle scenes in the Pacific between Americans and Japanese. Afterwards we are treated to clips which depict life aboard the carrier from crew members in their daily duties to an explanation of an aspect of the ship. In other words, everything at this point seems to be an endless rehash of what has gone on before. The only change we do see regards Captain Jocko being promoted which enables a new captain, Dixie, being placed in command.
At the films "climax", there is an enormous battle over Guam which has the Fighting Lady joining up with other ships to inflict a serious blow to the Japanese fleet. In yet another montage of bombing raids, dog fights, battleship shellings and explosions at sea, the American fleet is victorious and the Fighting Lady is now a seasoned ship with a well seasoned crew. Sadly, the crew must also deal with those who died while out at sea, among those were young sailors introduced to the viewing audience at the beginning of the film.
COMMENTS:
Despite this film's repetative scenes, it captures life aboard a carrier in the Pacific Theater far more accurately than any work of fiction. The fact this film was made at the time of the War with an actual crew in actual combat helps create a film which surpasses any Hollywood movie. While the constant lulls in combat may generate a sense of boredom in the viewing audience, it does generate what the men must have felt in times between combat. There is no doubts that the men suffered actual boredom during the times the ship was not in combat. Various parts of The Fighting Lady display this fact when various crew members would rather be piloting than laying around doing nothing.
Second of all, the sacrifice made by the men in the Pacific Theater must never be forgotten. The film ends on a sad note when one realizes that a number of the crew has either moved on to other assignments or died altogether. One can only ponder what became of the remaining crew after the war considering that once the war was over, so was their job in the Pacific. Still, their work is felt to this very day regarding the many Americans who are free because of the Fighting Lady and many other ships like it.
OVERALL SCORE: 7
While this film does have its good points in the fact there are no actors or special effects, the repeating lulls and combat scenes will leave some upset. However, the vast majority will nonetheless be in awe in the reailty of this film considering it was a War and that War was fought well.
Narrations by: LT. Robert Taylor
Writers: John Stuart Martin and Eugene Ling
Distributor: Twentieth Century Fox
After reviewing two horrible films, I have decided to take the time in reviewing something which was very decent. The Fighting Lady is perhaps a good film for those who admire history, war, and military service. As for the name of the ship itself, it is known as the Yorktown. However because of the time constrains and the secrecy of its objectives, it was referred to as the Fighting Lady during filming. What I admire about this film is how there are no actors, special effects or lines of dialogue. Everything filmed is real.
PLOT SUMMARY:
The plot of The Fighting Lady is more along the lines of a filmed documentary about the crew of a Carrier in the Pacific Theater. It begins with the ship being commissioned in 1943 and what we see first are a group of fighters in a training session about landing on the carrier. However, Captain Jocko is not impressed with the speed of the flight crew and scalds them for not moving fast enough. He also goes on to say that if it had been a war zone, the effectiveness of the crew would have been unacceptable. Afterwards, the Fighting Lady heading towards the Pacific on its way to participate in battling the Japanese. While there is no combat at this point in time, the film crews give a tour of the ship from its hanger deck to its superstructure and various other components of the ship.
The crew itself is then displayed and we are introduced to who these brave men are and their roles on board the Fighting Lady. Since there is no action at this point, we are treated to scenes of the crew performing duties such as cooking food, sorting mail, tending to the sick, and other mundane tasks to keep the ship afloat and its crew occupied in the lulls between combat operations. At other times, the crew takes time out to enjoy leisure activities from swimming to writing letters home.
The action starts only when the Fighting Lady enters Japanese occupied waters. First we are treated to a spectacular display of American firepower over the Marcus Island fortress. Cameras attached to the planes gives us a pilots eye view of the battle overhead. Afterwards, the pilots return to the carrier to report on a successful attack. Pilots then spend their time resting up, recounting their battles and are briefed by officers regarding what was destroyed in the battle.
The film then fast forwards to 1944, the good ship and crew have been out to sea for quite awhile and are getting used to the routines of running the ship. It then takes place in the battle of Kwajalein and again we are treated to yet another battle. From that point onward, The Fighting Lady becomes a predictable repetition of scenes which at times bore the viewers. First we get battle scenes in the Pacific between Americans and Japanese. Afterwards we are treated to clips which depict life aboard the carrier from crew members in their daily duties to an explanation of an aspect of the ship. In other words, everything at this point seems to be an endless rehash of what has gone on before. The only change we do see regards Captain Jocko being promoted which enables a new captain, Dixie, being placed in command.
At the films "climax", there is an enormous battle over Guam which has the Fighting Lady joining up with other ships to inflict a serious blow to the Japanese fleet. In yet another montage of bombing raids, dog fights, battleship shellings and explosions at sea, the American fleet is victorious and the Fighting Lady is now a seasoned ship with a well seasoned crew. Sadly, the crew must also deal with those who died while out at sea, among those were young sailors introduced to the viewing audience at the beginning of the film.
COMMENTS:
Despite this film's repetative scenes, it captures life aboard a carrier in the Pacific Theater far more accurately than any work of fiction. The fact this film was made at the time of the War with an actual crew in actual combat helps create a film which surpasses any Hollywood movie. While the constant lulls in combat may generate a sense of boredom in the viewing audience, it does generate what the men must have felt in times between combat. There is no doubts that the men suffered actual boredom during the times the ship was not in combat. Various parts of The Fighting Lady display this fact when various crew members would rather be piloting than laying around doing nothing.
Second of all, the sacrifice made by the men in the Pacific Theater must never be forgotten. The film ends on a sad note when one realizes that a number of the crew has either moved on to other assignments or died altogether. One can only ponder what became of the remaining crew after the war considering that once the war was over, so was their job in the Pacific. Still, their work is felt to this very day regarding the many Americans who are free because of the Fighting Lady and many other ships like it.
OVERALL SCORE: 7
While this film does have its good points in the fact there are no actors or special effects, the repeating lulls and combat scenes will leave some upset. However, the vast majority will nonetheless be in awe in the reailty of this film considering it was a War and that War was fought well.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
AN INSULT TO ANIME Part One: Space Tranformers.
Director: Joseph Lai
Starring: Unknown
Writer: Unknown
Film Distribution: Home Video Production Inc. (Micro-Commando Diatron 5 Dub)
Year: 1985
Whether you call it Space Transformers or Micro-Commando Diatron 5, the shear fact this lame ass rip off of an excuse for Anime exists is torture in itself. I do not know why on God's Green Earth there were two dubs of this shitty Anime created as both dubs are very horrible. I can only conclude it was the hopes of the voice actors to produce SOMETHING worth watching thus redeeming themselves of their failed attempt the first time around. Regardless of such, Space Transformers/Micro-Commando Diatron 5 is still a piece of trash. I cannot believe the inanity of this film and its overall plot, characters, and bad animation. There were times the Animation was so horrid, I about threw up a few times! I am dead serious!
PLOT SUMMARY:
If you watch the Micro-Commando Diatron 5 version of this film, the plot is simply given away in the entire credit opening which renders watching this movie as pointless. Space Transformers/Micro-Commando Diatron 5 begins with a star ship in orbit around a planet whom we can only assume is Earth. Our ship's crew is waiting amid screens with no images except for the usual static. What are they waiting for exactly? A good portion of the first few minutes features us looking at the same stock footage of our crew looking out into space. Then we get a message from some chick in the static before going back to our onlooking crew. Finally we get to see some action which involves a group of asteroids attacking the star ship. These asteroids are so bad, it sends one crew member flipping back one once, but twice! These asteroids were so bad looking, I about got sick watching them!
Then we see an enemy star ship which decides to play a game of "Now You See Me, Now You Don't" on the Crew of this ship. After horribly speaking like some badly dubbed Hong Kong Movie (No matter the version, it was made in Korea). After awhile, we get two crew members in the Mess Hall yappying away about nothing in particular. As they speak, a meteor heads to Earth.
On Earth, we see this whack job scientist, a guy named Jules and a girl named Bunny talking about the "Greatest Mind in the Universe" named Girl Genius (or Ivy depending on the version). As for the meteor from before, we see a dark figure coming out and then kicking ass and breaking necks of ineffective guards. The figure in question then finds Girl Genius/Ivy taking a bath which is where our mysterious villain shoots her.
Meanwhile back on the star ship, we get a missile attack by some villain who resembles a Gundam Villain. It seems Korea is the Capital of Knock Offs right behind Mexico! As for the Enemy Commander, he launches an attack using robots with pincers which tear the Heroes apart. There are also scenes of crew members being hurled into outer space from the pincers!
As this is going on, we find out that Girl Genius/Ivy is in the Hospital where some guy who looks like Groucho Marx is debating about what to do! Since we never know of his name, I am going to call the doctor Dr. Groucho. It seems Dr. Groucho has never seen anything regarding what Girl Genius/Ivy is going through. Unable to do anything, The Whack Job Scientist and Jules and Bunny are riding a tank of all things (seriously, a TANK!?) back home where we find these three have a giant robot in the garage being piloted by a red robot boy of some kind.
The Red Robot takes his giant robot to the stars where he kicks ass...only to be told to return to Earth because the Plot demands it and the fate of Girl Genius/Ivy is more important than an Alien Invasion. As this is going on, Dr. Groucho informs everyone the bullet had a virus which consists of something killing Girl Genius/Ivy from inside. Thus in order to fight whatever it is that is killing Girl Genius/Ivy is a shrink ray which makes things microscopic!
Wow! This movie has gone from being about an alien attack to a piss poor copy of A Fantastic Voyage!! During this discussion, two things happen: One, Dr. Groucho briefly loses his mustache and two, an Enemy spy some how escapes. After being shrunk down to microscopic size, the Red Robot, along with the Girl and the Guy head down into Girl Genius/Ivy and from then on, things just get strange.
Deep inside Girl Genius/Ivy's body, we find a world unlike any other as it features green men with horns on their heads as well as giant robots lead by some chick named Mary! Ugh, her voice is so horrid! Long story short, Red Robot gets his ass kicked and then suddenly our hero and heroine go into Girl Genius/Ivy and even more wonky things occur! It seems Bunny and Jules are enjoying an acid trip on their way to Girl Genius/Ivy's body. Yet again we are treated to a series of stock footage before we find out where Bunny and Jules are at in Girl Genius/Ivy.
From Science Fiction to offbeat Fantasy, we find our two main characters meeting a group of Robin Hood's Merry Men lead by a Moe Howard look alike named Somba!!! (I just wish he'd say,"Wise guy, eh!?" and knock the villians in the nose!) Later on, our heroes find themselves at a castle where a group of Link wannabes are picking food off the trees! Now its gone to being a bad Legend of Zelda rip off! There is no limit to how many rip offs this movie has it seems!! After hearing a bunch of nothing from the King who sounds just as bad as the rest of the characters in this movie, Somba, Bunny and Jules go off with a group of ten people or so head off to defeat the bad guys!
It seems the Villains are making use of their captured prisoners as both slave labor and food for a giant squid type thing. Red Robot meanwhile despises the fact he is working for Mary, whose horrible animation makes her even more scary! At first, Red Robot does not want to do the work, going as far as to throw down Mary's dirty laundry. However, that gets the attention of a CamBot who records everything. Mary gets upset and sends Red Robot away.
As Red Robot is washing Mary's clothes, a would-be bachelor meets his end at Somba's arrow. I really wish Somba would say "Wise Guy, eh?! " and knock people in the nose! As a result of these attacks, we get word that the main villain who looks like a green skinned Spock informs Mary about the invading humans. Sensing his opportunity, Red Robot begins to beat the ever living daylights out of Mary which sounds more like a rape than anything! After receiving a much deserved beat down from Red Robot, our CamBot takes the liberty of recording the defeated Mary. As this is going on, Mary is upset at being filmed. Who could blame her considering the fact Space Transformers/Micro-Commando Diatron 5 is such trash?!
Bunny and Jules begin to come in and kick ass. Sensing an opportunity to save her ass, Mary thinks of selling out everyone else. However, Jules and Bunny follow Mary to the Green Spock Alien who sounds just like every other bad guy in this film. Jules wants everyone to free the White Army, even Somba who got caught as well! As with any villain who likes to go against their promises, the Green Alien then kicks Guy down to the Big Monster which Eats things. However, Jules kills the monster and escapes to find a Neutral Party who sells junk.
It isn't before too long the Junk Collectors; named Crackle and Sherry offer to help Jules out in his quest to reclaim the Diatron 5. As Sherry is out getting water, she is killed by a group of villains. With this, Jules, along with Crackle engage the villains giving them another round of an asswhooping! Using his big robot, Jules begins to mop the floor with Mary and her forces. For the duration of this, we see Crackle shooting things and throwing grenades everywhere as Red Robot and The White Army escape the enemy fortress. The villains seem to get caught up in their screw ups as The Green Spock is caught up in Crackle's gunfire and the grasp of the giant Monster. Mary meanwhile meets her end by crashing into a support pillar. Upset over the loss of Sherry, Crackle remains behind the enemy base which blows up to the point where Girl Genius/Ivy wakes up!
Dr. Groucho then recovers Jules in his giant robot and the last minutes of the film feature Jules fighting off the alien invasion using missiles, lasers and stock footage which at times depict the giant robot flying backwards at times! After blowing up the enemy ship, this crummy movie ends!
COMMENTS:
Although this movie fared much better in terms of having a somewhat understandable plot, Space Transformer/Micro-Commando Diatron 5 still has a lot of questions which are left unanswered. Never once do we find out the name of the Aliens Invading Earth. Why they were invading is never answered either. Also, I ponder what the hell became of Bunny when Diatron 5 left the body of Girl Genius/Ivy!? Did she die or was she left behind!? We may never know...
OVERALL RATING: 4
Although this film was at least watchable to an extent, there are many things which put this movie off. The plot and its plot holes, the horrid voice acting and animation, its strange, yet understandable plot and lastly the fact this film takes so many liberties with ripping off other works. The fact we never see any of the Link wannabes and never once does Somba knock some villians around, angers me more than this crummy film. For all of those nerds into Anime who want a hilariously insulting addition to their collection, Space Transformers/Micro-Commando Diatron 5 is a film for you! If you are those who enjoys riffing into films, then this film has your name on it! Its that bad!
Ninja Vs. Ninja Review
Director: Nick Cheung
Starring: Kwan Cheung and Norman Chu
Writer: Unknown
Film Distribution: Unknown
Year: 1987
The origins regarding how I came across Ninja Vs. Ninja is rather an interesting anecdote. I remember when I was around 13 or 14 years of age when I first found this movie for sale Wal-Mart. I had the money and being a big Ninja fan, I figured it would be another addition to my collection of films. However, when I got home that night, my family and I were confused as to what was going on in this film. Nothing made sense and now we have a rule that whenever Ninja Vs. Ninja is playing, there must also be a six pack in the hopes of making this disaster of a film more enjoyable.
PLOT SUMMARY:
Plot...yeah if there ever was one, regardless I will do my best regarding this piece of trash. This movie has to got be the WORST movie ever made! I mean, I saw some really bad movies in my time, but...damn. This one really takes the cake. I mean even if I have seen a shitty movie or two, at least they had a plot you could AT LEAST understand. Ninja Vs Ninja is anything but a movie as there is a great deal of inconsistency with the plot, absolutely no character development, and such horrid special effects, music, acting, etc that just by the sheer act of watching the first five minutes is enough to tell anyone watching that this, for a lack of a better term, movie is a giant pile of crap.
I am seriously at a loss of words in what to write here as the sheer fact of even THINKING about this movie is enough to drain ones intelligence. So for the sake of creating a decent review, I am going to try the best I can in regards to explaining in depth as to why this movie is.
From what I could gather, this "movie" starts off by featuring a ninja training to the tune of some pathetic music. Then our Protagonist Ninja gets into a fight with another Ninja and then afterward, the two Ninjas talk about how the other uses his ninjutsu for money. (How else is he going to make a living? I mean if I were a Ninja, sure I'd want to make money doing it! Like charging a fee to protect someone or take out a bad guy here and there.)
Then we fast forward to a family scene where the wife is always cooking, the husband never leaves home for anything, and their son is so annoying that it drive you up the wall! Actually, it turns out that the husband is a cop and he is after a gang of thugs who operate...get this...out of their rundown, apartment that has the bad guys as roommates!
As for the ninjas, we then watch a scene where a group of ninjas massacre an entire family! As for our Protagonist Ninja, he arrives too late to be of any use as he simply is a poor excuse for a hero! It seems that our protagonist has NO IDEA he is in a shitty movie. Its like some ass of a director edited together various movies and then give it a catchy title just to make the gullible viewing audience watch the damn thing!
Next, we focus on our villains just sitting around doing nothing. However, there is this one villain who, by putting on some red tape, gains the ability to become resistance to any form of cutting, slicing or stabbing! Wow, I wish I could have some tape like that! I would become an instant bad ass! Uh...what does that have to do with the film? To make matters worse, we are then introduced to a villain who acts like a pathetic retard who has a porn fetish and goes on a rampage on a piece of paper. The reason being was the Villain saw something in a film that upset him. My guess is that the movie within a movie had a plot.
Oh, as for our Hong Kong Cop Character, there is a scene with him at home AGAIN, however, this time, he takes his family out to the mall. However there is something amiss as our antagonistic ninjas have a plot to blow up........The Women's Room! Ugh! After the bomb goes off, the Hong Kong Cop's wife and son are injured in the explosion. In retaliation, the Cop goes after the villains, eventually going as far as to kill the villain who wears the idiotic red tape. While the red tape may have worked on knives, it sure failed to withstand bullets.
Shortly later, the Cop's wife dies and he later learns his son will be blind from then on. The Cop goes off to reflect on these terrible things. Afterwards the Retarded Villain With A Porn Fetish returns and causes havoc on the hospital, taking the Cop's son as hostage. To make things even more moronic, is the fact that the Retarded Villain, and even I am at a loss over WHY, decides to put flowers in the child's hair and BLINDFOLDS him!
Yeah! You read that part correctly, the Retard blindfolds someone who cannot see!! Talk about a self defeating purpose!! If you take a blind person hostage, what good does it serve you, or your hostage, if you blindfold them!? THEY'RE ALREADY BLIND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! The Cop then gets this idea as where he gets a nurse to pose as the Retarded Villain's "lover". When our stupid villain finds out he's been had, he goes crazy only to end his worthless existence by jumping out a window. I give credit to him for doing that as anyone would after finding out they were in such a pathetic movie like this.
In the last scenes we return to our ninjas, who for the most part appear sporadically in this movie! We find our Protagonist Ninja looking through someones underwear drawers! After finding what seems to be a tape, he runs out only to be ambushed by our main Antagonist Ninja one last time. In a cheesy ninja fight, our Protagonist Ninja beats the Antagonist Ninja so bad that all that remains of the villain is his ninja uniform! Victorious, the Protagonist Ninja runs off, Thus ending this god awful movie and leaving the audience to wonder what the hell just happened.
COMMENTS:
Now, as someone who values my eyesight, this movie made me very envious of the blind. It is just painful to sit back and watch this garbage. A few minutes into it and you couldn't help but feel the urge to gouge out your eyeballs. This movie is just that horrid! I cannot help but wonder WHAT WERE THE PRODUCERS THINKING!!? Come to think of it, the sheer fact I remember this GARBAGE is enough to drive me crazy! I probably did everyone who reads this blog a favor by watching this trash so you wouldn't have to.
Even after I watched this film, I still could not figure out the plot. I recall that several days later, my brother and my dad could not understand the film and found some parts so insultingly ridiculous it was hilarious! It seems that Ninja Vs. Ninja does not know if it wants to be a Hong Kong thriller or a Ninja film. Countless reviews I have read regarding Ninja Vs. Ninja have placed it in the "So-Bad-Its-Good" label of films where a movie sucks so badly its enjoyable in its own weird way. I looked hard to find anyone associated with writing this film and the film studio who created this piece of trash. However, I could not find anything. My assumption is that the writer does not want to be found regarding the fact he was mostly responsible for this worthless film.
Had Ninja vs. Ninja been done right, and I mean done right, perhaps this COULD have been a movie worth watching. All it needed was a plot, somewhat believable characters and maybe consistency. Sadly it is not there or anywhere in this worthless garbage. Based on the the fact the filmmakers ruined this piece of trash, I hold nothing but contempt for this pathetic excuse for a "movie" despite the fact its so horrid its good.
OVERALL SCORE: 1
What more needs to be said? Avoid this trash at all costs. However, if you are into shitty movies, for the sheer fact at laughing at their insanely idiocy, then this might be for you.
Starring: Kwan Cheung and Norman Chu
Writer: Unknown
Film Distribution: Unknown
Year: 1987
The origins regarding how I came across Ninja Vs. Ninja is rather an interesting anecdote. I remember when I was around 13 or 14 years of age when I first found this movie for sale Wal-Mart. I had the money and being a big Ninja fan, I figured it would be another addition to my collection of films. However, when I got home that night, my family and I were confused as to what was going on in this film. Nothing made sense and now we have a rule that whenever Ninja Vs. Ninja is playing, there must also be a six pack in the hopes of making this disaster of a film more enjoyable.
PLOT SUMMARY:
Plot...yeah if there ever was one, regardless I will do my best regarding this piece of trash. This movie has to got be the WORST movie ever made! I mean, I saw some really bad movies in my time, but...damn. This one really takes the cake. I mean even if I have seen a shitty movie or two, at least they had a plot you could AT LEAST understand. Ninja Vs Ninja is anything but a movie as there is a great deal of inconsistency with the plot, absolutely no character development, and such horrid special effects, music, acting, etc that just by the sheer act of watching the first five minutes is enough to tell anyone watching that this, for a lack of a better term, movie is a giant pile of crap.
I am seriously at a loss of words in what to write here as the sheer fact of even THINKING about this movie is enough to drain ones intelligence. So for the sake of creating a decent review, I am going to try the best I can in regards to explaining in depth as to why this movie is.
From what I could gather, this "movie" starts off by featuring a ninja training to the tune of some pathetic music. Then our Protagonist Ninja gets into a fight with another Ninja and then afterward, the two Ninjas talk about how the other uses his ninjutsu for money. (How else is he going to make a living? I mean if I were a Ninja, sure I'd want to make money doing it! Like charging a fee to protect someone or take out a bad guy here and there.)
Then we fast forward to a family scene where the wife is always cooking, the husband never leaves home for anything, and their son is so annoying that it drive you up the wall! Actually, it turns out that the husband is a cop and he is after a gang of thugs who operate...get this...out of their rundown, apartment that has the bad guys as roommates!
As for the ninjas, we then watch a scene where a group of ninjas massacre an entire family! As for our Protagonist Ninja, he arrives too late to be of any use as he simply is a poor excuse for a hero! It seems that our protagonist has NO IDEA he is in a shitty movie. Its like some ass of a director edited together various movies and then give it a catchy title just to make the gullible viewing audience watch the damn thing!
Next, we focus on our villains just sitting around doing nothing. However, there is this one villain who, by putting on some red tape, gains the ability to become resistance to any form of cutting, slicing or stabbing! Wow, I wish I could have some tape like that! I would become an instant bad ass! Uh...what does that have to do with the film? To make matters worse, we are then introduced to a villain who acts like a pathetic retard who has a porn fetish and goes on a rampage on a piece of paper. The reason being was the Villain saw something in a film that upset him. My guess is that the movie within a movie had a plot.
Oh, as for our Hong Kong Cop Character, there is a scene with him at home AGAIN, however, this time, he takes his family out to the mall. However there is something amiss as our antagonistic ninjas have a plot to blow up........The Women's Room! Ugh! After the bomb goes off, the Hong Kong Cop's wife and son are injured in the explosion. In retaliation, the Cop goes after the villains, eventually going as far as to kill the villain who wears the idiotic red tape. While the red tape may have worked on knives, it sure failed to withstand bullets.
Shortly later, the Cop's wife dies and he later learns his son will be blind from then on. The Cop goes off to reflect on these terrible things. Afterwards the Retarded Villain With A Porn Fetish returns and causes havoc on the hospital, taking the Cop's son as hostage. To make things even more moronic, is the fact that the Retarded Villain, and even I am at a loss over WHY, decides to put flowers in the child's hair and BLINDFOLDS him!
Yeah! You read that part correctly, the Retard blindfolds someone who cannot see!! Talk about a self defeating purpose!! If you take a blind person hostage, what good does it serve you, or your hostage, if you blindfold them!? THEY'RE ALREADY BLIND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! The Cop then gets this idea as where he gets a nurse to pose as the Retarded Villain's "lover". When our stupid villain finds out he's been had, he goes crazy only to end his worthless existence by jumping out a window. I give credit to him for doing that as anyone would after finding out they were in such a pathetic movie like this.
In the last scenes we return to our ninjas, who for the most part appear sporadically in this movie! We find our Protagonist Ninja looking through someones underwear drawers! After finding what seems to be a tape, he runs out only to be ambushed by our main Antagonist Ninja one last time. In a cheesy ninja fight, our Protagonist Ninja beats the Antagonist Ninja so bad that all that remains of the villain is his ninja uniform! Victorious, the Protagonist Ninja runs off, Thus ending this god awful movie and leaving the audience to wonder what the hell just happened.
COMMENTS:
Now, as someone who values my eyesight, this movie made me very envious of the blind. It is just painful to sit back and watch this garbage. A few minutes into it and you couldn't help but feel the urge to gouge out your eyeballs. This movie is just that horrid! I cannot help but wonder WHAT WERE THE PRODUCERS THINKING!!? Come to think of it, the sheer fact I remember this GARBAGE is enough to drive me crazy! I probably did everyone who reads this blog a favor by watching this trash so you wouldn't have to.
Even after I watched this film, I still could not figure out the plot. I recall that several days later, my brother and my dad could not understand the film and found some parts so insultingly ridiculous it was hilarious! It seems that Ninja Vs. Ninja does not know if it wants to be a Hong Kong thriller or a Ninja film. Countless reviews I have read regarding Ninja Vs. Ninja have placed it in the "So-Bad-Its-Good" label of films where a movie sucks so badly its enjoyable in its own weird way. I looked hard to find anyone associated with writing this film and the film studio who created this piece of trash. However, I could not find anything. My assumption is that the writer does not want to be found regarding the fact he was mostly responsible for this worthless film.
Had Ninja vs. Ninja been done right, and I mean done right, perhaps this COULD have been a movie worth watching. All it needed was a plot, somewhat believable characters and maybe consistency. Sadly it is not there or anywhere in this worthless garbage. Based on the the fact the filmmakers ruined this piece of trash, I hold nothing but contempt for this pathetic excuse for a "movie" despite the fact its so horrid its good.
OVERALL SCORE: 1
What more needs to be said? Avoid this trash at all costs. However, if you are into shitty movies, for the sheer fact at laughing at their insanely idiocy, then this might be for you.
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